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| I'm going to be flying on a plane way larger than this device, which I flew fearlessly on back in 2007. |
Apparently
Budget Travel magazine wanted to help
my fear of flying. I have been getting this
magazine for years and even get their newsletter via email. That’s where I read an article entitled "10 Tricks for Conquering Flight Anxiety." It listed ten ideas that will help make your
flight a little smoother. I disagree,
starting right with the first tip.
Give your phobia a name
Unfortunately
it has a name. It’s called,
“I’m-plummeting-to-my-death-from-30,000-feet-phobia.” The name is what’s so scary.
Familiarize yourself with airplane noises
OMG, I’m
about 100 times more freaked out to fly after familiarizing myself with these
noises. eHotels.com says “During
descent, the flight becomes quite quiet as the engine’s power is reduced to an
idle position and the airplane glides.”
The plane becomes idle in the air?
And glides? No, no, and no.
What I’d really like to familiarize
myself with are noises that indicate the plane is crashing. I’m incredibly freaked out by the sound of
the “fasten seatbelt”/”unfasten seatbelt” dinging because I feel the pilot is
going to come on and make an announcement about my imminent demise. I’d like to know how to differentiate between
“We’ve reached out climbing altitude” and “Nice knowing you, folks.”
Check the turbulence forecast
I’m pretty sure if I knew my plane
was going to hit turbulence, I’d crap my pants.
‘Nough said.
Bring a photo of your destination
I’m not kidding when I say I nearly
ruined a day in Milan (which wasn’t hard to do if you read my story about this city)
worrying about taking a flight back to Germany.
I was super excited about Germany, and about the remainder of my
honeymoon, but I couldn’t shake the anxiety that was building. My sister-in-law says she’s going with this
tip for our trip, but I know we’ll be clawing at each other and holding on for
dear life when that plane takes off for the Emerald Isle.
Skip the coffee – and the wine
Are you freaking out of your
mind? First of all, I don’t skip wine
for anything, especially not during my potential last moments on earth. Plus, my doctor recommended I drink wine to
calm down. That actually sounds like pretty bad medical
advice now that I read it, I promise my doctor doesn’t operate out of the back
of a van!
Bring a book you’ve already started or tune into a television series
you already know
I partially agree with this advice,
but I’d like to add on: do something as mindless and mind-consuming as
possible. For instance, I thought that
playing 45,000 rounds of Angry Birds would help, but something about the motion
of the plane and the motion of birds flying into buildings didn’t mesh well. However, reading trashy magazines was
slightly effective (especially when paired with wine!).
Share your secret with the flight attendants
I did that. I said, “I’m afraid of flying, so I’m going
to need constant fill-ups on this wine.”
The flight attendant was very courteous in following my requests.
Embrace safety information
I do. I’m the only one watching that safety
demonstration. However, I’m not sure how
handy the “floatation device” will be if we’re crashing.
Use this breathing technique
I have practiced yoga for more than
10 years now and I’m a strong believer in using breath to work with the
body. Deep breathing is the only advice I think truly works. However, it's brief. I breathe in for a
count of eight, then out for a count of eight. After doing that for a minute or so, I am much calmer. Until that damn fasten seatbelt ding comes on
again!
Have one of two relaxation remedies handy – but use them only as a last
resort
When I posted something on Facebook about being afraid of
flying, many of my friends posted back with “Xanax,” “Valium,” and “Adavan.” I have tried the drug route before (much more
helpful when paired with alcohol, which sounds very dangerous), but I’m afraid
of ending up like this.
"There's a colonial woman on the wing, the woman on the wing, there’s
something they’re not telling us!" That will be me after taking Xanax, Valium, and Adavan. Haha, that clip makes me laugh so much, maybe I’ll just watch
it over and over for the eight hour flight.
That should quell my fear a little.
